Bad Aunt

So Wednesday night my “nephew” Caleb stayed with me. {He’s 10} His mom brought him by my office and we headed to the zoo home. Now, keep in mind that Caleb’s family does not have animals, so my 2 children kindly wildly welcomed him (and maybe scared the crapola out of him). After he finished fighting off the kids while attempting to eat, it was time for me to entertain him……okay, some of you might remember that I am maternally challenged, this could present a problem.

So how do you entertain a 10-year-old you ask. Well you let him watch whatever he wants while he spends time away from his 2 younger brothers. Oh and you should let him show you magic tricks too.

So while Caleb was watching TV I headed to the kitchen to find something yummy. Low and behold there sat my best friend, BROWNIES. What kid doesn’t love brownies?

I dump the mix into the bowl add the water and oil as called for. I head to the fridge for 1 egg. ONE EGG people. No eggs. Not. Even. One. I promised the kid brownies, already opened the beloved box and added 2 of the 3 ingredients and I don’t have any flippin’ eggs?!? Are you serious? Why yes, unfortunately.

I turn to my trusty friend Google for help. What can replace an egg in brownie mix? I look through several answers and decide to go with the most common answer. Reviews said things like, “you’ll never know the difference,” and “no one will be able to tell.” Fabulous. Luckily I had this mystery ingredient on hand. What is it you ask?? I am embarrassed to share, BUT since I am all open and honest, and not easily embarrassed I shall share. Drum roll…………

Try not to gag, or throw up in your mouth……..

People, I put MAYONNAISE in the brownies. 1/4 tbsp to be exact. I stirred it up poured it in the pan and baked. For 35 minutes. Took the brownies out and they were no where near done. So, I baked them for 15 minutes more. I took them out. They looked like normal brownies. Sure. Around the edges.

The only thing that threw me off was the white bubbly foam in the middle of the brownies. Not sure that’s normal. Oh yeah Google. No one will EVER know. Maybe if they like white foamy rabid brownies. Awesome. This was a major FAIL.

I decide it’s better not to poison my best friend’s first born so I toss the brownies and wish, and hope, and think, and pray he forgets about the brownies. Right. Didn’t happen that way.

Caleb: “Hey what about the brownies??” {you know that you promised me}

Worst {Aunt} Ever: “Oh. Well. About that….Awkward Silence while I think of something to say…..well the brownies were no good. (I can’t tell him about the mayo. He might tell his mom I tried to kill him). How about some cheese???”

Caleb: looks at me like I have murdered his very best friend – okay not really that dramatic but you get the point

I head back to the pantry and find some Girl Scout Cookies. Score! I knew those Cookie Girls were good for something. “How about some super awesomely fabulous GIRL SCOUT COOKIES? Oh, and you can stay up as late as you want!”

*Disclaimer: no children were injured in this brownie experimentation.

P.S. Kim, if you read this please do not hold this against me! Hopefully your child is not traumatized and might want to venture back over.