Tuesday, June 8, 2010

It Has Happened

I’m over the edge. Completely stressed to the max. Flippin’-the-eff-out. But do not fear. I actually find this quite humorous. It’s that week. At our house we kindly refer to it as “period week.” Original, I know. My husband calls it my free-excuse-to-be-a-total-bitch-and-try-to-make-it-medically-relevant. But whatev. You get it.

We just got back from Destin and my bestie’s beautiful wedding. I have exactly one week until I have to be completely moved out of our house and into Scary Lary’s haven. Also, I am attempting to come off my crazy pills because we are so ridiculously cheap that $60 is too much to pay for sanity. Needless to say I have been a hair on edge.

Example:

- We were packing for the beach and Bert was making fun of my every move as usual. Cue complete and total meltdown. I sat in the floor in my closet and screamed. Cried. Took deep breaths. Cried. Beat the sh*t out of my spouse. Grew up and continued packing. I only cried 3 more times that night. Yay!

- My father apparently thinks he’s super cute and therefore no longer needs to contribute to my move across the street. He’s wrong.

- My {lovely} family members came over to my grandmother’s house and got all the nice shit the things that meant the most to them and left all the shitty stuff other items for us to do away with. Right. That went over very well. I morphed into super mega bitch and let everyone know where we stood. Unfortunately I’m not very intimidating and no one did anything. The shit’s still there.

- I’m having a slight problem with the bitch that’s buying our house. She  needs to be added to your prayer list. Stat. It’s getting bad. She has informed my realtor that she isn’t satisfied with our A/C guys solution to her A/C guys “findings” with our air conditioner thing-a-ma-jig.

Look Bitch. I’m not paying any more $ on fixing this house. We bough the Money Pit. I’m out of money. I can’t even afford to buy sanity anymore. Can’t wait to meet you at closing. Please try and come up with more shit for me to spend money on. Please.

In other news. I have been trying to find home owners insurance for the {new} house that was built in 3, A.D. I think I need to borrow some $. WTF.

This post should serve as a warning for posts to come. In the mean time feel free to pray for the purchaser of our home and my sanity. As well as my husband. He needs your prayers the most. He has to live with me.

Love you guys!!

6 comments:

Shell said...

You can tell your dh that it could be worse- I only have one normal week a month.

littledaisymay said...

I'm sorry things have been so stressful! Hope your week gets better :)

BRITTNI MASON said...

BRITTANY ANN. U NEED TO CHILL OUT. POOR JOHN PAUL. ILL PRAY FOR HIM :) LMAO.

d.a.r. said...

Hang in there!!!!

Susannah said...

Hilarious! Maybe you should become a comedienne and then you would make enough money to pay for your meds! :D Hope it all turns up better~and g'friend buying your house needs to step off!

Jessica said...

Are you freaking kidding me?! HA-larious!!! You should totally get into the stand up thing and buy a crap load of meds just cause you can! Awesome-ly hilarious post. Made my day!