The Night in which I Almost Died…or something…

So I’m sleeping peacefully and dreaming wonderful dreams of unicorns and rainbows and such when all of a sudden I am awoken by what can only be described as holy-sh*tballs-I’m-dying-or-this-baby’s-coming-out-of-my-side.

My left side hurt so unbelievably bad that for a few moments I contemplated calling 911. (I’ve never claimed that I wasn’t dramatic.) Once I thought it through I decided to call the hubs and see what he thought. Assuming he would come home and save me, as death was imminent.

Let’s note that this was sometime between 1:30 and 2:00 this morning.

Hubs answers the phone as if this is a normal occurrence – I’m never awake past 10 – Hello??

Me: ohmygawd I’m dying.

Hubs: What’s wrong?

Me: For the love of all things holy my side hurts.

Hubs: You should probably take some Tylen0l.

Me: I think I’m going to throw up and/or die.

Hubs: Take something for nausea too. It’s probably just Ligament Pain.

*end conversation*

I drug myself from the fetal position of death and took some flippin’ pills.

After I regained my composure and resumed a normal heart rate, I sent a text to my loving husband…..

Me: “If that’s ligament pain then God help us when this baby has to come out.”

Hubs: “You’ll have an epidural.”

Me: “That scared me. No lie. Thought I was dying.”

Hubs: “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s ligament pain.”

Me: “I was dead asleep and woke up sure of a sudden death from left side organ rupture.”

Hubs: “Brittany……”

*the end*

Please take note that it is very difficult to function as a pregnant hypochondriac.

Next time I’m calling 911….at least maybe they’ll pretend that my “left side organ” did indeed rupture.