Monday, April 19, 2010

Don’t Try This At Home

That’s what the box should have said. Or something along the lines of unsupervised usage of this product could result in a complete FAIL. Maybe it did say that, I mean we all know I didn’t read the damn box anyway.

So before my beach trip I decided I needed to make myself swimsuit ready. If you know where this is going then consider yourself warned. :)

So I waited until the Hubs left for work and I gathered all necessary materials. Hand held mirror, my glasses, a glass of wine, and this…


So picture with me , if you dare. {An at home bikini wax.}


This is how the event played out:

I heated the wax, got all my strips ready, found the tongue depressor turned wax applicator, and headed to the bathroom for maximum light.

So there I am standing in the bathroom, one leg on the counter, mirror in hand, tongue depressor wax applicator dipped and ready. I apply the first round of wax.

HOLY-MOTHER-OF-SWEET-BABY-JESUS!! Apparently I heated the wax to 479,000 degrees because it burned off at least the top 2 layers of my skin. Instinctively I {wiped} the wax off. Umm yeah so apparently you can’t “wipe off” wax. So I had a hot mess on my hands, literally.

I grabbed the nearest bottle of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil and sprayed it all over me in hopes of encouraged the wax to let go. There was wax on the floor, the counter, my hands, legs, and {other areas} and I was acting a complete fool and uttering not-so-nice words.

I decided since I started this I was bound, damned, and determined to follow through. I let the wax cool and I continued my application. It wasn’t that bad after the initial application. Maybe I killed all the nerve endings? The ripping off part wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated.

After I completed my waxing I viewed the results. It appeared as though I had mange, or something of that sort because my rippage of the wax strips only removed {some} hair, leaving random patches, surrounded by blood red, raw skin. Awesome! This looks fabulous. Great idea. Where do I come up with this stuff. Bert is going to eternally make fun of me.

So there you have it people. My at home bikini wax experiment turned total and complete FAIL. I do not recommend doing this yourself. It’s totally worth the embarrassment of baring it all for your stylist to wax you. TRUST ME.


I hope this didn’t disturb any of you. Have a great Monday!


d.a.r. said...

Ohhh owwie!!!

One of my best friends attempted this feat. Once the burning wax hit her skin, she hopped into the bathtub, sat down and turned on the cold water. Once the pain subsided, she turned the water off, stopped screaming, and attempted to get out of the tub. Except the wax had adhered to the ceramic...her husband was deployed and she had to call me (I lived down the street) to come help get her out.

Funniest dang thing I have ever seen in my life.

Susannah said...

Hilarious! I too have had the misfortune of the waxing-it was sophomore year at Auburn and we all got that Australian green wax crap for Christmas-Nads I believe it was called-it was AWFUL!

Annie said...

ha! at least you got a good story out of it! i hope the pain has gone away! i'm too much of a baby to attempt waxing, i did try wax strips and they sucked.

as i posted on my blog, bad decisions sometimes make for great stories ;)

Lil' Woman said...

Yuor a braver woman that I. I don't think I could do that by myself.