We Made It!

As previously mentioned, our 1 year wedding anniversary was this past Sunday. I’m so excited to have reached this milestone as we may know of a few couples who unfortunately did not. We did not go on our {romantic} camping adventure. Darn!

So….I think it was on Thursday that the hubs asked me if I got him anything for the big day…

Hubs: My beautiful bride Hey you, did you buy me anything?!

Brit: Umm…so I thought we weren’t doing gifts?

Hubs: Well I got you something….awkward silence….

Brit: That’s so sweet. Well I was planning on picking up something for you today actually.

Hubs: Well did you at least get me a card??

Brit: Well I thought about it.

Hubs: You’re a b*tch.

Yeah so that’s how that went.

Sunday rolls around and me and the bestie are about to head off to a friend’s baby shower when Hubs hands me this beautifully wrapped gift. “I want you to wear this.” Awesome!! He got me a Chamilia bracelet with a bride and groom charm. Cue oohhs, ahhs, awws, etc. He’s amazing. I follow up with, “Well honey I will give you your present at dinner.”

I meet up with Courtney and inform her of the dilemma. What the flip am I going to get my husband on a Sunday (in a town where everything is shut down on Sundays). In all our brilliance I decide on a, you guessed it. Well you probably didn’t. Drum roll…..

A nose hair trimmer!! Okay but the one I bought was not a finger because that’s just weird. The Hubs does not have disgusting nose hair nor does he have weird curly long ear hair, he just requested one a while back. I also picked up a new electric razor and some Reese’s pieces (that I hid after he opened his present. I am now eating them for lunch). I picked up a rather humorous card as well.

The Hubs cooked me an amazing dinner and we exchanged cards. His was so sweet and he had written a little love note inside that brought tears to my eyes. Dude, what’s the deal?? How was I supposed to know he was gonna go all super best-husband-ever on me?? I had no clue. I felt like a major ass. Last minute gift. Really funny card. And he goes all romantical on me.

We ate part of the top tier of our wedding cake because we couldn’t break the tradition (who came up with that anyway??) and Bert informed me that we would probably have massive diarrhea since the cake was a year old. You’re welcome for sharing. By the way, that never happened.

Here are some pictures of our wedding day.

Look how ridiculously happy we are. Did you throw up in your mouth a little? I did.

Me and my daddy!!

{I do believe this is my breakin’-it-down face} I may have had a {little} too much to drink and I more than likely made a complete fool of myself!

This is how my husband acts. all. the. time.

If you made it to the end of this post then I love you!!

Have a great week girlies!

Manic Monday

Yes I realize it’s Tuesday, but yesterday was one helluva day! A complete FAIL. I wanted to quit life actually. Well not really but I think you get the point.

I have so much to catch you gals up on so maybe I can get caught up tonight or tomorrow….

We did not go camping so I hope none of you thought I had {actually} died from Blackberry withdrawals. :) The weather here was ridiculous this weekend. Thunderstorms, tornadoes, hail. Not exactly camping weather. The Hubs friend assured us we would be fine; He was bringing a tarp. Umm….are tarps tornado proof?? Didn’t think so.

Sunday was the big anniversary (more on that later) and a very nice southern gentleman stranger informed me that I had absolutely no brake lights. My dad was out of town so I went and stole borrowed his car. All was hunky dory until I got up yesterday and someone broke into his car. In my flippin’ driveway. WTF? Yeah that’s what I said.

I cried hysterically, acted in my usual over-dramatics, and made a complete fool of myself and called Ricker. He wasn’t mad and all is well.

Bert gets pulled over and gets a ticket for not wearing his seatbelt. WTF? Who gets a ticket for not wearing a seatbelt. Dumbass. Anyway, it’s just $10 so I guess I will let that slide.

On a sadder note, our TV in our living room quit working. Its 2 years old. Yes. It’s crazy. Won’t turn on, randomly turns on at like 4 am, has a purple screen, no volume. It’s bizarre. This is the room where my DVR is. Does anyone remember life before DVR because it is a living hell. Commercials. Watching a show at its scheduled time. Not being able to fast forward through the boring parts. It’s terrible.

Happy posts to follow. I promise to send lots of butterflies and unicorns your way! 

Leeches & Chiggers & Ticks….Oh My !

Guess what’s on Sunday??

.

.

.

Through guessing yet?? Ok, one more guess….

Our 1 year Wedding Anniversary!!!! Woo Hoo! We made it a year…well almost…we still have 5 more days…

So I’m thinking relaxing weekend getaway.

Couples massages, wine, Reese’s white chocolate peanut butter eggs, etc. That’s what you were thinking too, right?? I thought so.

Apparently Hubs and his friends have different plans for our anniversary weekend. Cue scary music.

Camping. In the wilderness. I’ve never been before. And there’s a reason for this. Me and the wilderness don’t mesh. I love being outdoors, during the day. At night I would prefer sleeping inside.

Leeches keep coming to mind. Have you seen Stand By Me?? I just keep replaying that scene where the boy is covered in leeches over and over in my mind.

Chiggers. Do you have chiggers where you live?? Chiggers just look nasty and apparently they are extremely itchy little sh*ts. So that stresses me out. I do not want bugs burrowing under my skin. That’s nasty.

Ticks. OMG. All I’m saying is Lime Disease and well Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Disgusting. I’m going to be on my death bed come Monday. If I even make it to Monday.

Then there’s another issue. What if I have no phone service?? I will have BlackBerry withdrawals and probably have a mild panic attack. Have I mentioned my claustrophobia??

Please help me!!! Have you ever been camping? Do you think me and my hypochondriac ass will survive? What if I have to pee? And there’s the issue of my hands feeling dirty. I HATE that. What do I need to take??

Look how happy this couple looks…..

Little do they know Jason’s probably lurking in the background.

Don’t Try This At Home

That’s what the box should have said. Or something along the lines of unsupervised usage of this product could result in a complete FAIL. Maybe it did say that, I mean we all know I didn’t read the damn box anyway.

So before my beach trip I decided I needed to make myself swimsuit ready. If you know where this is going then consider yourself warned. :)

So I waited until the Hubs left for work and I gathered all necessary materials. Hand held mirror, my glasses, a glass of wine, and this…

So picture with me , if you dare. {An at home bikini wax.}

This is how the event played out:

I heated the wax, got all my strips ready, found the tongue depressor turned wax applicator, and headed to the bathroom for maximum light.

So there I am standing in the bathroom, one leg on the counter, mirror in hand, tongue depressor wax applicator dipped and ready. I apply the first round of wax.

HOLY-MOTHER-OF-SWEET-BABY-JESUS!! Apparently I heated the wax to 479,000 degrees because it burned off at least the top 2 layers of my skin. Instinctively I {wiped} the wax off. Umm yeah so apparently you can’t “wipe off” wax. So I had a hot mess on my hands, literally.

I grabbed the nearest bottle of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil and sprayed it all over me in hopes of encouraged the wax to let go. There was wax on the floor, the counter, my hands, legs, and {other areas} and I was acting a complete fool and uttering not-so-nice words.

I decided since I started this I was bound, damned, and determined to follow through. I let the wax cool and I continued my application. It wasn’t that bad after the initial application. Maybe I killed all the nerve endings? The ripping off part wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated.

After I completed my waxing I viewed the results. It appeared as though I had mange, or something of that sort because my rippage of the wax strips only removed {some} hair, leaving random patches, surrounded by blood red, raw skin. Awesome! This looks fabulous. Great idea. Where do I come up with this stuff. Bert is going to eternally make fun of me.

So there you have it people. My at home bikini wax experiment turned total and complete FAIL. I do not recommend doing this yourself. It’s totally worth the embarrassment of baring it all for your stylist to wax you. TRUST ME.

I hope this didn’t disturb any of you. Have a great Monday!

*The Break Up*

Sorry I have been MIA. I’ve just been so busy since getting back from my mini vacay.

I have some things to catch you girlies (and guys??) up on. We will start with the break up. It’s sad guys so be prepared.

As I previously mentioned, I went back to the doctor for a crazy pill follow up.  I lost 5 pounds (yay me!). So I’m filling in McSteamy on all my ailments, issues, chronic disease, etc. {He knows my husband so he’s probably caught on that I’m a slight hypochondriac.}

John Paul had already scared me into thinking I have tapeworms since our cat had them. This was followed by a horrendous scare of Staph that my coworker is currently trying to recover from. Needless to say I was completely stressed and overly dramatic and McSteamy just laughed it off. He told me I wasn’t going to die, examined a cancerous tumor on my leg and diagnosed it as a scar, and wrote out my prescription for crazy pills and sent me on my merry way.

While I was leaving he says, “I don’t want to see you for at least 6 months. There’s nothing wrong with you and you aren’t going to die. Go get some acupuncture (he laughs under his breath because I seriously want some acupuncture!) stop by the vet and get de-wormed and only call if you are seriously dying.”

I get to the pharmacy to fill my prescription and there are ELEVEN refills!! I gasp! Break down into sobs and realize that it has happened. McSteamy has broken up with me and I didn’t even know it. The good news is I think I will live to blog another day.

*If McSteamy just so happened to read my little blog here and find out that I refer to him as McSteamy I would have to crawl into a hole and die. The problem is he thinks I might be slightly claustrophobic so I would probably not be able to stay in said hole. Therefore I would have to just lay down and die. Let’s hope he doesn’t read this blog for the sake of all things holy, and my husband’s sanity since he sees my doc at the hospital all. the. time.

Woo Hoo!!!

I went back to the doctor today for my follow up on my new crazy pills. Guess what????

I lost 5 POUNDS!! Woo Hoo. In your face Reese’s White Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs! You can’t hold me back!

I guess all my bitching and complaining hard work paid off.

I have been meaning to post a picture of the new hair cut but I just haven’t had time. I’ve been too busy eating white chocolate eggs working out to get to that. Maybe I will find time tonight!

Happy Thursday girlies! (and boys??? maybe??)

Things I’m {currently} Loving….

~I am {currently} loving Spring! It’s fabulous. I am trying to soak it all in, leave my windows open (you know inviting in robbers and such) all night. Spring lasts about 30 minutes here in Alabama and I’m actually enjoying wafting through the yellow, pollen saturated air until Summer arrives and I’m dragging myself and my hot mess of a hair do through thick, disgusting humidity!

 

~So I got all my hair cut off! {gasp!!!} It’s cute I swear! I go through these phases where I want a change and my hair always falls victim to said phase. I have never liked my hair short, but this time I LOVE it!! I will post a picture tonight. (People might stare if I’m sitting at my desk trying to take the perfect {blog worthy} picture of myself).

 

~My slightly skanky, stripper-ish, purple toenail polish from Ulta! It’s quite festive and I love it inspite of all skanky-ness!

 

~Berty will be finished with school in a month!! Woo Hoo!! (well, for this semester anyway) But a milestone none-the-less!!

 

I’m {always} loving me some Lennon/McCartney.

~ It’s Lennon/McCartney night on American Idol!! Loving it!! :)

 

~I will be sittin’ pretty on the beach come Friday afternoon! I am so flippin’ excited!! My parents have a house in Panama City but we hardly ever go down because of John Paul’s schedule. Now that it’s changed we will be invading their relaxing summer quite frequently!!

 

~I am loving my improvement on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2!! I’m kickin’ ass and taking names people so watch out!!!

These are just a few things I am {currently} loving. This list is subject to change at any moment. Meltdown not necessary for change. 

What are some things {you} are currently loving??

I’m Over It

*Potential buyers of our home need to read no further. This post is not for your eyes. K. Thanks.*

We are trying to sell our house. It has been on the market FOR-FLIPPIN-EVER! I am so over it. We’ve had open houses and shown it plenty of times but no offers!  I am beyond ready to move. Now don’t get me wrong, I love our first home. It’s cute and small and quaint and decorated to match our personalities. But, since buying said home, our family has grown from 2 people, 1 4-legged friend to 2 people, 4 4-legged friends. All these animals = no more room!

They showed the house last night and I spent Wednesday night and my {lunch} break yesterday preparing for the Big Show. With all my lovely fur-children running around I was ready to pull my hair out! This is what my hardwood floors look like on a daily basis….

Lovely right? I spend 90% of my time vacuuming up Dayne’s hair. It’s insane. Apparently we’ve accumulated a lot of shit stuff and I have no where to put it. I have shoved and stuffed and crammed stuff in every closet and under every bed in the house. And if the neighbor had been home yesterday I would have asked him to shove some of our sh*t under his bed! Hopefully the house looked decent, the backyard didn’t smell overwhelmingly like dog crap and my husband didn’t forget any of our children when he cleared out the house.

I really, really, really want to move so, Do you want to buy our house? No, well it wouldn’t have anything to do with all the dog hair and dog poop would it? I swear we are cleanly people. :)

Happy Friday Peeps! I hope everyone has a very Happy Easter.