Thursday, September 29, 2011

Working Mom Woes

I’m sure it’s no surprise. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I can’t. I’m not gonna lie….I’m super jealous of all my bloggy and twitter friends who get to stay at home with their babes. I hope that in the next few years we will be in a position for me to work from home or even better, not have to work.

We could have waited a few years before having a baby but ya know we didn’t wanna. Luckily the hubs knew how important it was to me to spend as much time with Turner Mc as I could and we decided I would return to work part time. With the new job my schedule is super random and a little excessive at times but I’m very thankful for the extra time I have with TM.

Even though I’m only working part time I miss TM like crazy when I’m away. I’m constantly wondering what she’s doing – if she misses me, is she eating enough, is she fussy, what about her poop – seriously, is she spending time on her tummy – you know typical mom worries. I know she is in great hands either with her daddy or with our super awesome baby sitter who treats her like a princess but obviously I think I’m the most awesome baby taker carer or whatever.

Am I the only psychotic mom out there?? You know the one who freaks about everything…the soft spot. Choking. Smothering. I worry about her while she’s napping. Will they check on her often? Make sure she’s still breathing. Not let her cry because I hate crying. Just typical neurotic crazy mom.

The hardest part of being a working mom is the fear that I will miss something. A first word, the first time she crawls, the first time she walks. I had a serious talk with TM about not doing anything unless mommy is there to witness it. And if she does something with her daddy that I’ve never seen before, he totally gets her to do it when I get home and pretends it’s the first time she’s ever done it. :) 

I love that I have friends – in real life and in the twitter world – who are also working moms. It makes it easier to deal with when you have someone who understands what it’s like. I feel guilty at times because I don’t know how TM feels when I leave her with someone else. Does she even care? Is she old enough to understand that I’m not there anymore? I dread the day that she cries when I leave her but I secretly long for it too. Sad but true. I want her to be happy when I leave her but not happier than when she’s with me. I know I’m crazy – it’s okay to let me know. I just feel like we have one chance to do this right and I’m so controlling that I have this need to be in control at all times.

I’m sure if I was a SAHM I would complain about needing a break – that’s just how it goes. But I do know that I wouldn’t trade the time I have with TM for anything in the world. Being a working mom is hard and it’s not even about trying to function after a sleepless night. It’s about trying to function when you’d rather be snuggling your baby.

14 comments:

Shannon Dew said...

From one working mom to another, you are not alone. KP is 13 months now and it's still hard. I have missed things and that hurts my heart. She learned how to sign for "more" without me and most likely took her first step before I saw. I don't want to say it gets easier b/c for me it hasn't. I don't worry if she's being taken care of properly b/c she's with MIL but I do hate that I miss out on things. I miss out on little things like taking her for her first ice cream cone, pathetic but true. Hang in there though, hopefully sooner than later you'll get to stay home. I am hoping the same thing for myself.

Susannah said...

I've been on both sides, and they are both equally hard. Working sucked for all of the above, and staying at home is hard b/c you spend SO much time with them and its not always "nice." But, staying home is more fun and laid back!

Mrs. Werginz said...

I so don't think you are crazy! I am fearinf going back to work after Button is here! Myabe you can tell Karl how important it is for him to let me go part-time! haha I can't imagine how hard it is to be away when you want to put her down for her nap or feed her lunch!

Michal Renee' said...

I'm sad too because I know that I'm always going to have to work when we start having a family mainly because I'll always need to make sure I have good insurance for my arthritis. That's just the way things are today unfortunately and I don't think you are crazy at all!! What would be crazy is if you DIDN'T feel that way. :)

mary kathryn @ mathews family happenings said...

ditto.
this is what makes me vent things like "I'd rather be home with my babes than at work with 748 kids who aren't mine" on twitter...

Virginia said...

Hi Miss Brittany,
I found your blog while I was pregnant with my 1st son and was looking for other prego ladies out in the bloggy world. You wrote so candidly and talked about so many of the things I was worried about or thinking at the same time. I am at SAHM now, but it's having my son that has given me the push to want to go back to school again and pursue a career that can really help contribute to my family. I'll hate not being there for every single moment, but the trade-off is being able to give Britton the life and opportunites that I have always wanted for him. Love reading about your adventures in motherhood:)

Meagan said...

:( yeah I was just thinking yesterday that I can't believe it has almost been 5 months that I have got to stay home with C.

Meagan said...

Stupid comment thing I wasn't done! It has gone by really fast and I haven't cherished every second. Definitely trying to do that more!

Hilary Lane said...

If it makes you feel better, I was sent to a baby-sitter's as soon as I was 6 weeks old so my mom could go back to work. She worked through my whole childhood (and still does). I had a few different baby sitters until I started school when I was 4 & I don't have any memories until then - negative or positive. I'm pretty sure when TM grows up, she won't have known the difference. :-)

LG said...

Oh bless! I am so sorry Brit! I know it is hard! I think there are plus and minuses on both sides of the fence. I worry about peebs being too acttached because he is with me so much, or missing important socializing opportunities. I am starting think its a battle either way! ! I created the ilatch so I could "work" but from home. We shall see how that goes!

K and Z said...

I'm a new mom (7 week old) and I am so glad I read your blog, especially today. I have to go back the beginning of November and I am ABSOLUTELY DREADING IT. I'm a teacher so luckily I have good breaks and of course a great, long summer but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I would quit my job in a SECOND if I could. But I can't! :-( I love my baby girl so and I would LOVE to spend every day with her. But like you said, if we were stay at home moms we would probably be complaining about something.

Just know I feel your pain and you can vent to me anytime!!!

Chrissi said...

this was a great post brittany! i think a lot of working mommas would agree with you. i am not even a mom yet and i already know i will feel very much the way you do now. your precious girl is blessed to have a mom that loves and cares for her the way you do! you're doing a great job!! XO

cait said...

ugh my heart is so in the same place right now! I am due Nov 5th and while I am ecstatic thinking about the time off on maternity leave with our little one, I DREAD the thought that I will have to go back. I'm a teacher, so my thing is always that I'm pouring heart and soul into twenty-some kiddos while I will be handing my own over to someone else. We are prayerful and hopeful that if it's God's will I will eventually be able to stay home or even work from home. For now, even though I haven't been a working mommy yet, I can relate to your emotions! hang in there!

Katie @ Chronicles of KT said...

totally feel you on this!! My FIL watches Landon when Im at work and so I can nap befoe i go to work (night shift) and most days i dont get any sleep unless he is in bed with me because I am wondering what he is doing in the other room. Why is he fussing, why can't I hear him where are they etc etc and I cant ever get home fast enough in the morning to his sweet face. It is so hard but I love knowing there are other working moms out there sometimes I feel like I am the only one!