Things I Think About in the Shower….

What was that noise?!

“Dayne??” “Maggie?!!” “DAYNE!!! MAGGIE!!!”

Oh my god I’m gonna die!!!

Do I hear someone??

I think I watch too much Criminal Minds…..

Maybe if I get stabbed I can play dead and I’ll survive.

Where’s my cell phone?!

Why is my stomach so hairy??

My poor boobs….

Did I hear a robber?!?!

OMG I have to get out!!

I’m scared to get out….should I get out?

I wonder if April on Grey’s was right? If I tell the killer about myself he won’t kill me…..

And that my friends is what crosses my mind every time I shower at night when my husband is at work. He works nights and I have to shower alone in the house and I fear I will die every single time. I blame Criminal Minds. And we have an alarm so you don’t need to pity me. Also, my dad lives across the street. I’m a wuss. What can I say??

Bumpdate….way late (of course)

I suck at doing this on the actual day…umm, Saturday. I’m just really really lazy. :)

Just wanted to show y’all what I don’t  look like. Just in case you were wondering. (That’s at our rehearsal dinner and those are my cute grandparents!) Moving on.

How Far Along: 17 weeks

Total Weight Gained: 2 lbs total. I gained .6lbs this past month. Bert is definitely being the weight gain Nazi and told the doctor I don’t consume enough calories. Doc is gonna check the growth of the baby at our next appointment and see if I need to gain more weight. I can’t help it if there are only 2 calories in pickled okra!

Maternity Clothes: I ordered some stuff from Old Navy. I need it bad!

Sleep: Pretty good this week….

Best Moment of the Week: Is it bad that I can’t think of one???

Food Cravings: Pickled okra!!! And banana peppers.

Food Aversions: Eggs.

Symptoms: Pregnancy. Acne. Heartburn – for the first time. Lots of other unpleasant things that I won’t make you read. :)

Movement: I haven’t felt the baby move yet. I don’t think. I really don’t know. Does that make me a bad mother already??

Gender: Random guy at the DMV says boy. I have no clue.

What I miss: Should I stop saying wine? I don’t want people to think I’m an alcoholic. I miss normal size boobs too. I feel like a not so cute playmate who wears only sweats and t-shirts.

What I'm looking forward to: John Paul’s penile stent removal tomorrow! I’m looking for volunteers to accompany him to his appointment. Anyone??

Weekly Wisdom: I’m fresh outta wisdom this week.

Milestones: I’m looking for some milestones. Let me know if there’s anything I’ve achieved that I don’t realize. I guess we’re all still alive and we made it 2 weeks with THE stent.

Things I Learned at the DMV

- Everyone that works at the Tag and License office despises their job. But I really can’t blame them. Paying taxes pisses people off – so most of their customers are in a bad mood.

- Pregnancy is a handicap – the man in front of me was applying for a handicap sticker because his girlfriend was pregnant. I’m pissed no one offered me a handicap tag. If pregnancy is a handicap can it also be a disability?? I wouldn’t mind sitting on my a** all day drawing a check. :) – I’m totally kidding – I don’t mind working – I’m just a lazy pissed off pregnant lady.

- Apparently I am having a boy.  A man in line behind me said in the best southern – slightly redneck – voice possible:

SSRM ( southern slightly redneck man): “Excuse me ma’am? Do you know what you’re having?” 

Me: thinking – what the hell is he talking about? Oh yeah I’m knocked up! “Umm no I haven’t found out yet.”

SSRM: “Well just wanted to let you know I’m pretty sure you’re having a boy.”

Me: “My husband really wants a boy so maybe you’re right.”

This man was super nice. It was kinda weird (hardest word to spell ever!) since I haven’t had a stranger ask me about my pregnancy until today. It caught me off guard but if you’re wondering how he predicted the pregnancy let me explain.

His father was the master at pregnancy prediction. Something to do with the moon. Not real sure how the moon affected this but anyway – he went on to ask my due date and informed me if I could hold out 6 days longer I could have the baby on his birthday! Awesome new stranger baby predictor friend!

Happy Monday! Check back for a bump date post!

Doctor’s Appt and Rando Questions

Yesterday’s appointment was very uneventful. I did not have a list prepared – you know like last time. I always think of like 700 things that are wrong with me after I leave. It’s unfortunate for me, but very fortunate for the doctor. I’d hate for him to know how crazy I am. :)

We heard Baby D’s heartbeat and it sounded strong – and wonderful. The heart rate was 154. We scheduled our ultrasound for 4 weeks – October 26th – this just so happens to be my birthday so mark your calendars! :)

Now onto some rando questions for my bloggy friends…

Did you have maternity pictures made??? We have been arguing about this. The hubs thinks it’s a waste of money but would also like some redonkulous nude photos made. Like porn style people. But HE wants to be naked – like John Lennon style.

Now I haven’t quite figured out if he’s serious. I’m all for unique pictures and I’m very open-minded. Not sure everyone wants to see naked pictures of my non-pregnant husband. But I want opinions. Should we have some preggo pictures made? Did you? And even if you didn’t have naked pictures made I would value your input.

What are your thoughts on cloth diapering? I get mixed opinions on this and my mother is definitely against it. I really want to try but I’m not sure if I can deal with all that goes with it. I’ve had lots of people tell me to start stock piling diapers but I don’t want to buy a bunch of disposables if I can do cloth.

Those are the only 2 I can recall right now. I hope everyone has an awesome week. I have been super b*tchy lately so lets hope for Bert’s sake that I can let up.

Keep your fingers crossed that the penis wire is removed next Thursday. Potentially only 1 more week listening to him cry about his manhood. :)

Bumpdate

Sorry the picture is quite ghetto….and I look rough.

Total Weight Gained: Doctor appointment in the am so I will update you on the fatness factor. 

Maternity Clothes:  I need some maternity tops – my boobs no longer fit pleasantly into my normal tops.

Sleep: Some nights it’s great. Most nights I need like 20 more hours.

Best Moment of the Week: Alabama coming back and beating Arkansas. I know that does not pertain to Baby D but I’m pretty sure he/she cares.

Food Cravings: Pickled okra. Hands down the best craving I’m having.

Food Aversions: Eggs

Symptoms: Acne. Bleeding gums – I find this completely random and I find no relation to pregnancy, but whatevs. I’m still not mentioning the bowels.  

Movement: No. Seriously?!?!? When am I supposed to feel this baby move?

Gender: I’m 99% sure the baby has a penis. Or a vagina.

What I miss:  Wine. Beer. Oh and wine.

What I'm looking forward to: Hearing the heartbeat tomorrow. My husband’s penis wire being removed – someday.

Weekly Wisdom: I’m fresh outta wisdom. It’s been one hell of a week at this house.

Milestones: 4 months. Woo Hoo!

Friday Randomness

Woo Hoo it’s Friday! I hope y’all watched Grey’s last night! I have been waiting all summer for “the shows” to start back!

So I ordered a prenatal yoga dvd and holy mother of pearl I almost died. I need MAJOR yoga help! This is what I imagined…

And this is how I felt…

I’m totally going to stick with it – you know like I always do – because I think it will be helpful for the delivery. I have no previous yoga experience and the next day I thought my butt cheeks were going to fall off. Any tips are greatly appreciated! :)

 

I was surprised at how many bloggy friends said they would actually come over for dinner….y’all are too sweet. Just to let you know we will be having canned tomatoes and pickled okra!

 

I really want my baby to have a name. I feel bad calling baby d “it.” I keep thinking of the book A Child Called It and while I can’t really remember the content of the book, I’m pretty sure it didn’t have a happy ending. I will now refer to my tadpole as “baby d.” That’s fitting.

 

I know this post was completely random but I am practically falling asleep at work and just thought I would share some random thoughts with y’all! Have a good weekend!

Bad Mood Betty

It’s time for a bumpdate post but I really haven’t had time and I don’t have a super hot picture of my side-face-fat-roll to share. So a brief update on my status will have to do.

I’m still pretty much hating this whole pregnancy thing but I’m starting to adjust. And I try to find the positive in this amazing experience because I’m pretty convinced this is a one-time deal. :) My newest craving is pickled okra which is equally as disgusting as canned tomatoes. Oh and my boobs have officially taken over my body. That’s pretty much all that’s going on with that.

 

Moving on to the Hubs….

 

This is his post op picture and boy was he pissed. They were only able to do one stone because his stones are so dense and apparently they can only zap you with that machine so many times before you die – kidding. But really they could only do one and he had a reaction to the antibiotic they gave him so when he woke up and asked me 79 questions he was pissed at every answer I gave.

Once he was ready for discharge the nurse came in with his follow-up appointment to have his stint removed and drum roll……he has to keep it for 3 weeks. Bad mood Betty is so pissed because he has a wire hanging out of his mister.

I’m auctioning him off to the highest bidder. It’s pretty bad living with a pregnant b*tch but try living with the both of us! Hormonal crazy woman and the man with a stint in his penis. Who wants to come over for dinner??