The Scary House

Here are the pictures I’ve been meaning to post for the last week!! Please keep in mind that the house is a work in progress and I am pitching fits daily asking nicely to get rid of all the scary lary elements of the house!

Let’s start with the hall leading to the pool room…

Okay maybe the hall doesn’t look that scary but trust me it is.

The pool room…

Scary lary isn’t it?!?!?

This is the door leading out of the pool to the Troll’s home…

Let’s take a closer look…

The Lock!!

The Troll’s home…

Sorry I couldn’t actually go OUT the door for fear of waking him!

The laundry room…{outside}…

Sorry it’s really dark…and creepy…but that’s the laundry room all the way on the other side!!

My ice cream parlor green laundry room!

There you have it! All the scary parts of the house. Apparently there’s a door outside the pool room that allows you to go UNDER the pool. WTF?? I wish no one had told me that. There’s no telling what lives under there!

Happy Friday!!!

FYI

Sorry I have been so MIA lately. I have never painted so much in my entire life. Remind me again why I thought this was such a good idea??

I just wanted to share a few tips I have learned this past week in an attempt to completely make over my G’mas 1959 home into a more modern and chic home.

• It is never okay to ask your husband’s opinion on paint tile flooring bedding anything.
• I have written Home Depot execs and asked them to hand out coupons for free marriage counseling with all paint samples.
• You should paint your house during your husband’s 7-on pattern rather than when he’s off for 7 days. straight.
• If you do so happen to get lucky and agree on a paint color give in and let your husband choose the color, run to the store and buy it right then. Paint the walls before anyone changes their mind. (I also put a warning sign on the door kindly letting others know that their opinion does not matter and to keep it to themselves. It was a long day.)
• Oil-based paint does not clean up. With anything. I’ve had paint on my face, legs, and arms for days.
• You should never wash out paint brushes filled with oil-based paint in your kitchen sink. See above.
• Oil-based paint is the devil.
• Always hire someone to paint your ceilings. Trust me on this one. It’s worth the money. Your sanity is very important for your life and marriage. We painted one ceiling. Luckily we survived and hired someone to do the rest of the house.
• If you pitch a big enough fit sometimes, just sometimes, you can get your way. (I got an estimate on screening in the porch leading to the scary lary laundry room!! No need to applaud…)  

Stay tuned for more tips. I took some pictures but I left my camera at home today. I will post pictures tonight! Happy Thursday!!

OMG

Holy-mother-of-god people!! Did you see Grey’s Anatomy last night? I mean really?? Seriously?? Scared the shit crap out of me! (If you haven’t seen it a) you must live in another country, b) you live in a hole, or c) we can no longer be friends because you choose not to watch the best show ever in existence) In other words, don’t read this if you haven’t watched yet)

I must say this episode was by far the best episode of the season. I was scared to flippin’ death and I could not turn away. I made the hubs watch it with me and I know he’s secretly addicted. (just like with the Bachelor….I think he watches this show because you obviously must wear at least a size D bra in order to be a contestant) Anywho back to Grey’s….

Shooter loose in the hospital. No mercy. Shoots everyone. Except Christina and Meredith. Thank god because I think that would have pushed me right over the edge and straight into cardiac arrest.

I think by far my favorite scene was when Owen comes to find Christina and totally plays off the shooter being in the OR. I expected Derek to be dead and I had a mild anxiety attack. When Meredith rushes in and tells him to shoot her instead I died. Well obviously not really but you get the dramatics, right??

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Why does my husband ignore me? I know random but seriously?? I don’t think he likes me but whatever. I stalk call bbm him throughout the day and no response. Usually. Maybe I get on his nerves. I mean he has 7 straight days off work. What better to do than appease me and answer my texts? We both have blackberry’s so when I send him a message I can see when and if he reads it. When he reads the message and I get no response for hours minutes I morph into I’m-your-effin’-wife-I-will-not-be-ignored mode. It’s quite lovely. You should try it. Well unless your husband doesn’t ignore you.

That’s all I have to bitch about today.

Happy Friday!!

Birthday Shout Out!

Today is a very good friend’s birthday!! She was my partner in crime back in high school and we were bestest friends! We never get to see each other anymore because we both stay so busy! But we’re gonna work on that! 

Brittni, Me, and Leslie Brit’s girlfriend.

Happy Birthday Brittni Ann! I love and miss you! I know you read my blog…even though you are not a follower and you do not comment…I still love you!

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I was planning on stopping by the new crib after work and taking pictures of all the scary lary things going on over there but it is supposed to storm. Unfortunately you will be able to sleep well tonight. Maybe the nightmare pictures will be posted tomorrow night!

Happy Thursday! 

The New Crib

Pictures to come!! But first I must fill you all in on the background of this house. Since our house finally sold we are in the process of buying my grandmother’s house. You may find this creepy but I think it will turn out fabulously. (and she didn’t die IN the house so no hauntings or anything of that nature should be going on)

This is the house my dad grew up in and he and my step-mom live right across the street. My grandparents lived there since 1959! We all met over there this weekend to start going through her stuff and deciding what to keep, etc. Lindsay (my fabulous cousin) and I couldn’t help but share our memories and {fears} associated with this house. Lindsay and I both lived with g’ma at some point in our adult lives and let me tell you this house scares the crap out of us! 

For starters G’ma totally believed that there was no need to lock the doors. In fact there weren’t even keys to her house. I lived there for about a year and never once had a door key. She would rather the robbers just come in and take whatever they wanted rather than having to replace a broken door or window. She reassured me by saying that if someone broke in to just pretend like I was sleeping that way they wouldn’t shoot me! Awesome!

This house also has an {indoor} pool off the back of the house. There’s a long hallway leading to the pool room and then the room that actually houses the pool. Let me just tell you that it is the scariest thing EVER. The door that leads outside to the pool pump is so flippin’ scary. It’s wooden and warped and hasn’t shut in years. I’m convinced that trolls live out that door. Anytime I had to walk past the scary hallway I would run! Full blast. As a child and as a twenty something adult.

This is the troll, Scary Lary that lives outside the pool room….

I told you it was scary!! The other thing that scares the crap out of me is the laundry room. The laundry room is off the back of the garage outside and let me tell you…I may never wash clothes again. I haven’t really thought about it until we went over there this weekend….and I have yet to inform the hubs that I cannot run fast enough to the laundry room and even when I get there safely I do not feel safe. This is possibly the scariest room I’ve ever seen. It’s painted an ice cream parlor green (not sure why I think that when I see this color but it might be because of my slight addiction to ice cream) the room is filled with spider webs and frankly I just can’t deal with it.

I’m always afraid to open the door because I’m scared some unknown creature will be behind the door. Picture this….mad dash out the back door down the steps and across the patio…in all actuality it’s probably 10 ft….once I reach the door I kick it in, gather my clothes and run like hell to the safety of the house.

At the moment these are the {only} 2 things that absolutely terrify me about moving into this house. Well other than the creature that lives in attic, and well Freddy frequents the indoor pool. Do you think I will be able to cope. Are y’all going to come stay with me when Bert is working 7 nights straight?!?! What will I do with all my dirty clothes??

I’m making it a point to take pictures of all these scary things so you won’t feel left out!!

Update to the Previous Post

UPDATE!!! OHHH MMMM GGEEE people!! As I was googling Drop Dead Fred I came across the most fabulous news. EVER. They are remaking Drop Dead Fred!! And Russell Brand is playing Fred and I absolutely love him!! I thought y'all would want to know! You're welcome.

P.S. I have no idea how to update a post I already posted. Maybe I’m slow or something. Any suggestions would be lovely!

P.P.S. apparently “googling” isn’t a word. Who knew?

The Mega B*tch

Has anybody seen Drop Dead Fred?? Please tell me you have. Pretty, pretty please!! This was still is my favorite movie and I find it absolutely hilarious!! I forced allowed my husband to watch it with me. Big mistake. Huge mistake. He did not laugh. At all. Not once. Royally pissed me off. Like we almost broke up because he refused to laugh at my insanely hilarious favorite movie. Anyways….I told you all this BS just because it ties in the title of my post. Aren’t you happy you stopped by?!? 

So in the movie Fred so kindly refers to Lizzie’s mother as “the mega bitch.” This post is dedicated to my mommy, the mega bitch. Yes peeps I get my bitch honest. I love my mother! She is the most hilarious person ever. And we work together. So she gets to see my lovely face every. single. day. Well except weekends. :) Lets meet her, shall we?

Pretty cute, huh?? No not me silly! The mom!

So now that you’ve been formally introduced I can tell you that my mother’s ability to be hilarious is only intensified by a bad mood. When she’s pissed she’s the funniest person ever! Sure she’s a mega bitch, but she’s my mom and I love some feistiness. She’s my partner in crime and sure I hated her when I was 16 17 18 but now we are the bestest of friends!

This post serves as my late Mother’s Day shout out to my mom. (even though she NEVER reads my blog) I know she’s super busy trying to keep up with my brother and sisters but I mean seriously….they’re all dogs. WEN!! From now on take time to read the blog. Better yet, become a follower! I love you!!

 

I have some pictures to share this weekend from a tipsy drunken photo shoot I had with my brother and sisters. Have a good weekend and Happy Friday!!

SOLD

 

{WE} SOLD OUR HOUSE!!! Hallelujah!! Thank you sweet baby Jesus!! I never thought I would see the day. It has been ridiculously crazy around these parts lately. We accepted an offer on our house 3 weeks ago and since then it has been non stop with inspections, appraisals and such. And apparently these people expect that you actually clean your house…..so I’ve been {kinda} working on that.

The girl that is buying our house (God love her) is supposedly very young and her agent just happens to be slightly neurotic. It has made for some interesting times. Our agent is a very good friend and just so happens to be one of the most hilarious people I know so she keeps it interesting. Let me fill you in….

The girl looked at the house 4 times and asked at least 749,328 questions before making an offer. Which is fine. I guess. She needed to know things like, are there going to be puddles of water in the yard, are there stairs to the attic (I replied no to this one, only access is if you buy a small trampoline and jump as high as you can) – okay all sarcasm aside I did find this question odd, an attic with no stair access??- she also needed to know how many more houses were going to be built in the neighborhood and the list goes on and on.

We get her offer written up by her amazingly ridiculous agent. You know what she wants to keep?? The refrigerator (that’s fine), the satellite and all receivers (ummm…..no thanks), and all hardward. HARDWARD. Not misspelled once but twice in 2 different places. Not sure what she means by “all hardward.” Moving on. We gave her 14 to order an inspection and she waited until the 14th day. No need to rush.

SO the poor girl gets her mom and a friend to come do a walk through of the house and write down things that needed to be repaired (apparently she didn’t want to spend the $300 on an actual licensed home inspector). We received our list. It was quite humorous. My agent called her agent and asked if they expected every item on the list to be completed. This is how I assume the convo went:

NA (neurotic agent): Hello?? Neurotic agent speaking!!

FA (fabulous agent): Hi. We just received your list. I was wondering if you expected the homeowners to complete every item on this list??

NA: Oh absolutely!! I mean they are a couple and this girl is single. They can do these things and she cannot. and so she carries on for 45 minutes.

FA: ………awkward silence…….okay….umm…thanks.

So the things on the list? You would expect things like, “Can you maybe fix the wall where you dog tried to eat his way outside?” or “The roof is caving in. Can you work on that?” You know things of that nature. Our list. Not so much.

1. There’s a wasp nest under the eave of the house. Please remove.

2. There are 3 spider sacs on the back patio. Please remove. This is gross.

3. Touch up paint around back door.

4. Tighten loose screw in bath tub drain stopper.

5. Clean the entire unit after you move.

Dead serious people. DEAD. SERIOUS.

So I think I shall write this lovely SINGLE gal a note and leave it for her to find.

Dear unfortunate single girl,

        My husband works nights, therefore it is if I too am single at times. I spent 12 hours cleaning up a house that I no longer own. My new house is a disaster. Can you come clean it?? The thing is right now I’m feeling single and I am just not capable. Also there is a bug outside. I’m going to need reinforcements to get that taken care of. If you could also stop and buy a screwdriver as we will not be available to come tighten any more loose screws.

Thanks so much,

The Bitch that used to live here.

Miss me yet??

This is NOT a political post! I just love this picture of cute little Georgie!

I have definitely been absent from blogging. It has been insanely busy at work and we have been busy with other things as well. Tonight I have a rehearsal for a wedding I am in tomorrow. I have been meaning to get a tan but I haven’t had any free time! I will be looking super pasty in all photos.

I have no fun stories to share…yet! Check back tomorrow for some FABULOUS news! (I’m not preggers) I know. Sad day.

At least it’s Friday!! I hope everyone has a great weekend!!!