TM’s Birth Story – Part 2

Don’t cheat! Go read Part 1 because you know you wanna!

It is super important to mention that I got a spray tan the day before I gave birth. I cannot believe I forgot to share this info with y’all! Feel free to make fun but I was in desperate need of a tan and I didn’t want to scare TM with my pasty-ness.

Moving along….I got the epidural and all was unicorns and rainbows blah blah blah.

We need to revisit contractions. I had people tell me that contractions feel like period cramps. Ummm not sure what kind of hellacious period you have but my period cramps usually don’t feel like death. Get an epidural people. It will change your life!

So after the epi all my lovely friends and fam rejoined us. There were at least 79 people in the room and I felt great for a little while. All of a sudden I felt the worst pressure you can imagine. Shall we have graphic detail? Yes?! Of course. I felt like my a** was going to explode. Surely this is not normal…..I tried whispering to my nurse to let her know I needed to push or my butt was exploding. Since this was my first rodeo I wasn’t really sure which was correct.

She went in search of the doc while everyone socialized around me and I died a slow and painful death of anal pressure. A little before 2 the doc came in and checked me and it was go time! 10cm. Woo Hoo!!! (He then oh so conveniently left and I had to rely on my husband to keep me alive! – okay there was a nurse there too – and my mommas!)

I started pushing right around 2. Dude pushing out a kid is hard! Extremely hard. And you have to hold your breath and push for 30 seconds and it seems like 30 hours. Seriously. Apparently TM wasn’t in a hurry to make her appearance because it took 40 forevers or a little over an hour for her head to “crown.” Y’all it felt like I pushed for days before they could see her head. And I know this will be hard to believe but I didn’t say not ONE ugly word while I was pushing! Yay me!!!

The doc came down around 3 because they thought I was oh so close to delivering. Sike! I could not get homegirl’s head out. It was horrible. I think they told me “ONE MORE PUSH” at least 37 times. I thought I was going to die. For real. Finally at 3:38 Turner McCartney arrived! With the cord around her neck, and a knot in her cord. WTH? I couldn’t see what they saw so I was freaking when I heard the nurse say she has a knot. The doc suctioned her and she started screaming! Apparently the knot had just happened that morning and didn’t cause any problems.

I LOVE this picture!!!

Now once TM was out I felt great. Until I realized I had experienced complete vag destruction – three cuts with the kitchen scissors - and I had to be sewn up. And for some crazy reason I started to feel the doc stitching me up. It was horrible! And the needle was, I swear, a fish hook. No lie. Looked just like one. I survived having my taint sewn back together and I got to finally hold my beautiful baby girl! Best moment ever!

 

I need to give props to LG who had to push out a nearly 10 lb baby Fenn! I cannot imagine!

 

Our first family photo!

So that concludes the birth story. I’m finally feeling like I can function normally again and I will try to blog more often! I would love to answer any questions or humor you in any way so please feel free to ask me anything you want to know!

Thanks for hanging in there with us! I can’t believe we survived!